


Clarity

by LemonYellowFlowers



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, Mental Health Issues, Sort Of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-22 11:47:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21301541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LemonYellowFlowers/pseuds/LemonYellowFlowers
Summary: Kara keeps having gaps in her memory, and Lena helps her work out why.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 5
Kudos: 136





	Clarity

**Author's Note:**

> Day 3! Prompt was "Clarity". This went in a different direction that anticipated.

The first time Kara properly notices it, she realises she’s sat in her living room and she can’t remember how she got there. She tries really hard to think about what happened, but the last thing she can remember is being in the DEO, with Alex debriefing her, and then… nothing. It’s like there’s a blank spot in her memory. But Kara is tired, she’s drained from the mass alien outbreak from earlier in the day, and she thinks there might be a slight chance she flew home on autopilot. 

It’s not the first time.

The next time it happens, Kara is disturbed by Nia calling her name, asking her how she’s got on with her report. Kara looks at the laptop in front of her and finds a finished, albeit not handed in, article. But she can’t recall one word from the screen in front of her. Kara couldn’t tell Nia the title of the article let alone what was in it. She jerks again as she feels Nia’s hand on her own and she shakes her head trying to clear it.  
“Are you okay?” And Kara smiles brightly, even though her head feels fuzzy and her eyes feel heavy and her tongue feels thick. She nods at Nia, smiles at her.

“Yeah, just finishing up. Sorry, I got a bit lost in my writing.” Kara laughs slightly, and it clearly seems normal because Nia grins right back.  
“Don’t worry about it. Been there! Just don’t work too late.” And it’s those words the clue Kara into the fact she can barely hear any noise, with a slight frown she looks around and realises that the sky outside is dark, and the office is mostly cleared out. The last time Kara looked at the clock it had been nearly midday. Weirdly though, she doesn’t feel hungry. And then she notices the pile of boxes in her bin from Noonan’s. She must have had lunch today but she doesn’t remember it.

“Kara?” Kara turns to face Nia and clocks the curious expression on her face. She’d clearly still been talking. 

“Sorry?” Nia shakes her head, realising that Kara must have tuned her out again.

“I asked are we still on for game night?”

“What day is it?” 

“Thursday. Kara, are you sure you’re alright?” This time Kara finds herself pausing – is she alright? I mean she’s clearly not alright because she keeps missing chunks of time, but she’s not, not alright. Right? 

“I’m good. And I’ll see you at mine in an hour. Could you let the others know we’re running slightly late?”

“Of course. I’ll see you then.” Nia gives her a small smile, and Kara knows she’s worried her friend slightly. But she needs to focus on this article and check what the writing is like and whether she has actually written anything legible because she can’t afford to not hand something into Rhea who is quite honestly the worst – in Kara’s professional opinion.

Kara manages to focus on the article long enough to realise that even if she was zoned out it’s good work – but she still doesn’t remember stringing together some of the sentences in front of her. Deciding to put the worry aside for now, she prints the article, places it into a binder with her name printed across and leaves it on Rhea’s desk. It’s not been received before Rhea left and Kara knows she’ll pay for that in the morning, but she can’t quite bring herself to care. She goes downstairs and deciding quickly to ride rather than fly – she’s not certain she trusts herself right now – she pulls out her phone to ring a taxi.

“Kara?” 

Kara wakes up in the reception area of Lena’s office. The woman in front of her looks concerned, worried, and Kara feels completely disorientated. The faint glow of the clock on the wall tells her only half an hour has passed. She still has time to get home, but she must have ordered a taxi to Lena instead.

“Darling are you alright?” And Kara doesn’t know how to answer that question. Doesn’t know how to explain that she keeps losing chunks of time. Doesn’t know how to explain the fact she can’t remember the day before clearly, how her head feels fuzzy nearly all the time and she feels like she’s just kind of in it for the ride.

Lena and Kara started dating only a few months ago, and it’s all so new and fresh and Kara doesn’t want Lena to worry or be upset that sometimes Kara forgets the time she’s spent with her. But maybe it means something that Lena’s office is where she ended up. When Kara was reaching her limit and went into autopilot, her feet delivered her to Lena, and that’s how she finds the strength to start talking.

“Can we, maybe, can you sort game night? Could you come back to mine now and sort game night?” Lena frowns slightly, but nods.

“Of course I can. Of course I will Kara, but you didn’t need to come all the way just to ask that.”

“I know.”

“Are you okay?” And Kara’s quiet, and Lena’s frown deepens and Kara feels something for the first time in a while, feels guilt swirling in the pit of her stomach that she’s the one that has made Lena frown.

“No.” Kara opens her mouth to say more, but she can’t find the words.

“Can I tell you later?” And Lena nods, smiles softly at Kara, before reaching an arm out towards her.

“Come here?” And Kara doesn’t need to be asked twice, taking Lena’s hand in her own and wrapping it around herself. Lena laughs as Kara snuggles in to her whilst they walk the short distance to the elevator.

“Could you, maybe, just keep touching me?” Lena quirks an eyebrow at that request, and can’t quite keep the flirtatious note out of her voice as she responds,

“Oh?”

“Not like that.” Kara lightly swats at Lena as the pair cross the foyer together, slightly more distance between them now as they pass by some of Lena’s employees. 

“What do you need?”

“Just, a little contact? To keep me grounded?”

“Do you think you’re going to float away?” Kara can’t help but laugh at that comment, as she feels Lena’s hand on hers grip ever so slightly tighter for the moment. Kara knows if she were anyone else Lena might be teasing, but in Kara’s case Lena might well be asking a serious question.

Kara’s given time to think as Lena signals to her driver that she wants him to pull up. As the couple settle into the back Lena rattles off Kara’s address and the car pulls out into the National City traffic smoothly. Kara can feel Lena’s eyes on her. 

“Not literally – I just keep finding myself, distracted, recently.” Kara doesn’t say anything more than that, but she can see Lena’s thinking – it’s so obvious it feels to Kara like she should be able to hear Lena’s brain working.

“I’m alright Lena, I promise. I just need a little help tonight.” Lena nods, able to hear the undercurrent in Kara’s words, that she wants Lena to stop worrying for now and that they’ll talk about it later. Lena puts Kara, or Kara’s ‘issue’ into one of her little boxes, opting instead to smile at her beautiful girlfriend and press a gentle kiss to her forehead where she’s snuggled into Lena’s shoulder. She can feel Kara’s smile.  
Thankfully it only takes the pair approximately ten minutes to ready the apartment. All that’s really needed is all the chairs to be moved to the living room, the tables to all be placed in the middle of the room and alcohol and food to be ordered in. Lena took care of the ordering on the way over and everything was due to arrive part way through game night. They were ready with about ten minutes to spare. The last hour felt like it had rushed past to Kara. In contrast, it felt like time was dragging to Lena. She wanted the Superfriends – as they’d taken to calling themselves – in the apartment. She needed the distraction.

Several hours later, after Winn had destroyed everyone in Mario Kart, J’onn had owned everyone at Charades and Lena had brutally wiped out the competition in monopoly – they agreed it might be time for people to head off. Alex was last out the door, asking Kara to organise a sister night some time soon. She mentioned that she maybe had some news to share and Kara was barely willing to let Alex to leave she was so determined to hear the gossip. Still, Alex eventually left and Kara and Lena were on their own once more. 

There was a sort of tension immediately. 

Lena sat herself down on one of the bar stools, there were plenty of places in Kara’s apartment that would be more comfortable for a long conversation, but none where she could distance herself from Kara, and something in her was telling her she needed physical room for this.

Kara sighed, knowing she couldn’t put it off any longer she took the seat opposite Lena. She fiddled with her hands, picking at her fingers and nails before sighing again and looking up.

“I keep forgetting things.” Whatever Lena had expected Kara to say, it clearly hadn’t been that. Lena seemed surprised at Kara’s words.  
“Okay? Big things?”

“I don’t… I don’t know if I’m forgetting big things. It’s like I’m losing chunks of time.”

“Can you explain that more clearly?”

“Like, like today. Today I was in my office and I was going to come home to prep the apartment for game night and I remember going downstairs and I getting in to the taxi and then the next thing I knew I was in the foyer of your office.”

“You don’t remember coming to my office?” Kara shook her head. Lena nodded slowly, taking it in.

“That can’t have been very long.”

“It wasn’t. I think, I think it was about half an hour?”

“And that was earlier today?”

“Yes.”

“But you said you keep forgetting things?”

“It’s not the first time.”

“I see.” Lena clasped her hands together and rested her chin on them.  
“When was the first time?” 

“I- I think about a month ago? I realised it was happening a few days ago- I lost nearly a day, and when I kind of came too I was in my apartment at night. The last thing I remembered was from that morning. But I hadn’t been drinking or anything. Before that I’m just aware that different people have referenced conversations that I hadn’t remembered, but I just figured I’d been being particularly forgetful.” Lena doesn’t interrupt Kara, instead she lets her speak, and listens. She can see the stress in Kara, the way she folds in on herself, the way her fingers are tapping against her countertop faster than she can actually see, the face Kara isn’t meeting her gaze but instead staring at a point slightly above her.

“Can you tell me about what you were doing just before you stopped being able to remember?”

“I, yeah, I was helping Alex. There was a major fire in an apartment block just a few over from where Alex lives but it was caused by an alien, so the DEO got called in and so did I. I managed… I managed to put out the building, and save lots of people. But it was, it was a distraction. A bomb went off and killed all of the targets.”

“I didn’t hear about a bomb in National City?”

“That’s because it wasn’t in National City. It was at the DEO desert base. All the agents were killed immediately, and several prisoners escaped. They were… some of them were friends, well, friendly to me and I- I couldn’t save them Lena.” No tears fall, but Kara is still staring pointedly at the spot behind Lena and Lena can see the pain in her expression. Hear the pain in her voice. She keeps her own tone gentle when she speaks,

“Have you heard of disassociation?” Kara doesn’t respond, but she focuses her gaze on Lena and Lena continues.

“It’s a- a sort of response, I suppose, to trauma. It’s a way for the brain and body to cope with situations that are beyond the normal ability to cope. A kind of… advanced autopilot. Some people describe it like they’re passengers in their body, can feel themselves going through the motions and responding to the outside world but it’s like they’re disconnected from it. Other people though, they forget periods of time. It’s like they completely switch off whilst their brain works on compartmentalising what’s going on around them.” Kara nods this time, to indicate that she can hear Lena, that she acknowledges what she’s saying.

“Do these memory gaps often occur after your work as Supergirl?” 

“Yes.” Lena nods this time, and for a moment the women just look at each other.

“Is there a way to stop it from happening?”

“Yeah, therapy. Therapy and some other more experimental treatments like electromagnetic therapy.” 

“Magnets could fix my head?” Lena laughs at that, as Kara looks across at her confused, but also hopeful.

“Kind of. More a case that magnets can stimulate your head, or more accurately, your brain. To put it simply the stimulation should help ensure you don’t switch off.”

“Like coffee.”

“Sure.”

“Okay.”

“The important thing to remember Kara is that disassociation is a normal response to trauma. You’re not weird or broken, your brain is just protecting you, same way as a you protect others.”

“Okay. I- thank you, Lena.”

“Do you want to maybe move to the couch now?” Lena shifts slightly on the stool, “Not that your kitchen stools aren’t immensely comfortable but I also think my arse is numb.”

“Lena!”

“What?”

“You swore!”

“I’m a grown-up Kara, I do swear occasionally.”

“I know I’ve just never heard you swear outside of…” Kara trails off, blushing, and Lena just smirks.

“So couch?”

“Couch.” The pair move over to the sofa, Lena grabs blankets whilst Kara finds one of their usual cheesy Netflix movies for when they want to switch off and relax.

“I can help you search, if you’d like. If the thought is… overwhelming. I don’t want to impose but-“

“Really? Cause that would be amazing.”

“Of course Kara.”

“Thanks.”

“Anytime.” Lena found herself smiling as Kara snuggled further into her, and as Kara drifted off to sleep Lena wasn’t worried at all, but found herself wondering how she’d ended up so lucky.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed that! If you did please make sure to comment! It ensures the future production of more content.


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